Thursday, June 30, 2005

Nope, No Doom Today

I woke up with a little trepidation this morning. Much to my relief there were no cats raining from the sky, no gaping hole had opened up to release Satan and his crew, no rampant pedophillia taking place in the streets, no gay porn being filmed at the school yard.

You see Conservative Canada, the world didn't come to an end. All your sons and daughters didn't wake up and jump ship to the what you perceive as the dark side. We're now two full days past the Gay Marriage Vote and those of us who were married last week, still are. Those of us who were straight last week, still are. Those of us receiving all the beauracratic benefits of marriage last week, still are.

You see, this costs us nothing and gives us one more step on the road to true equality in this country.

"Against the will of God", you say. Well all risk to my immortal soul aside, but too damn bad for God. We live in a country that keeps the church and state separate from one another. If gay sex is a sin then God will do what he will do. If He really exists, that will be His prerogative. But here on earth in Canada in the 21st century, we've finally stood up and said "we value all of you."

Now, if we can just get the police to stop dumping Indians in the cold empty wilderness, we'll be getting somewhere.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Who Made You A Cop?

If the vanity plate on your Mercedes 500SL reads "2CLASS E", then by definition, you are not.

Just a thought.

The other thought, is why on earth could the guy at Sobeys (one of the local grocery stores) care that I wear flip flops in the rain? Here's the scene.

It was a warm afternoon and it just happened to be raining - hard - very hard. The key here is that it was warm. So, in desperate need of bread and something, I throw on a windbreaker, jump into some flip flops and head out the door. My reasoning for the flips is this: You're gonna get wet anyways right? It's a warm day. You'll dry while you're walking through the store or back in your vehicle. This way, you don't have to worry about wet socks and shoes.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. It's the end of June for cryin' out loud. Shorts and flip flops are practically my April-October uniform.

Anyways Mr. Rainfashion Cop looked at me like I was skinning dead babies in the parking lot.

Deep thoughts eh?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


I went to WalMart last night.

Let me put a different spin on that.

Last night, in an effort to purchase toilet paper and Rubbermaid drink boxes at 9:30pm, I descended into one of the deeper layers of hell. As you can imagine, this was not a voluntary trip.

I loathe WalMart. With every fibre of my being I despise WalMart. The thought of having to inch my car through their oil-soaked wasteland of a parking lot makes me shudder. Envisioning standing in line, watching the ever so slow cashier mindlessly scan plastic crap through her laser guided god, all the while being subjected to the acrid body-odour of the wife-beater wearing, NASCAR-hatted redneck in front of me... well that's just enough to make me weep.

There is nothing redeeming about WalMart. As an artificial micro-climate baking in the summer sun WalMart offers tight passage ways, harsh lighting, uselessly under trained and underpaid staff and mostly substandard, under warranteed plastic crap.

As a monolithic, community devouring, economic whore WalMart offers a glimpse into the mind of Mephistopheles himself. With their mantra of "get the money, get the money, get the money" being sold to you as "save money, save money, save money", WalMart is stealing your community soul as surely as Pat Robertson believes the devil is after your personal soul.

And there, there I stood, on a rainy Monday night. Buying toilet paper. I supposed buying a product designed to clean up well... feces, is an appropriate thing to do at WalMart. Lord knows they spread and we consume enough of it.