Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Simple Answers to Simple Questions

There are times (not many of them) when I wish we were a religious family. It would certainly make a few things easier.

For instance, when a kid in a religious family asks: "Daddy where did people come from?" you can answer simply: "God made us". When the kid in a religious family asks: "Daddy, where did the sky and the earth come from?" you can answer: "God made them". When the religious kid asks: "Where did Nana go when she died?" you can answer: "To heaven to be with God and Jesus".

Not so fast pseudo-atheistic, neo-agnostic weirdo boy. No, my belief system includes the philosophy: "You live, you learn, you die, you feed the worms, thank you for playing."

That means I'm required to have long, detailed discussions about The Big Bang, and gravity condensing spinning balls of gasses & cosmic dust and convergent and divergent evolution; complete with a mini dissertation on Natural Selection. And I have to have these conversations with a very inquisitive five-year-old while driving to Kindergarten. The boy then feels compelled to share these little chats verbatim with his teacher and his friends' parents. Needless to say, I get more than my fair share of - shall we say odd - looks from the other adults associated with Kindergarten.

Oh, and he loves the traffic reports on the radio. He's particularly fascinated by traffic problems on the Deerfoot Trail. I have no idea why so don't ask.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Tony Snow - Ignorant, Retarded or Just Full of Shit?


Just admit you guys screwed up. After watching your deplorable avoidance of the Iraq study group report yesterday you really have me wondering about the question at the top.

Not only did I watch the outtakes of your performance on the Daily Show, but I read the transcript of the briefing. I just have to ask you outright. Are you retarded? I only ask because I don't think you're a stupid person. You seem to be able to read, you dress well and obviously you've made a name for yourself in a reasonalby "credible" way. And by credible I mean, in comparison to K-Fed.

So, I'm really hoping you're retarded and that W hired you through some kind of funding set aside to help the mentally challenged. That way, I can sleep at night knowing that you're just spouting out stuff that W, Dick et al spew at you - the same way retarded kids go to the zoo to howl at the chimps and flick their own boogers back at them.

The altenative you see, is that you're completely full of shit. Now, considering the lack of a speech impediment on your part, I suspect this is really the case. I know that watching the Daily Show, while hilarious and usually spot on, is somewhat unfair to you. After all they pull out the parts where you look like a self-agrandizing, pompous ass bent on protecting his boss's own somewhat inflated ego. They never show how open minded and reasonable you can be. And that good stuff has got to cover at least 6% of your show, I mean "briefing".

So, I read (present tense). I read the stuff that you can't point to and say "That's unfair" or "You're taking me out of context" or whatever it is you need to backtrack and take those oh so expensive loafers out of your mouth. I read the transcripts. Did you know there's a person who's job it is to sit and write down everything that is said in the briefing room - no matter how ridiculous it may sound? Did you know there's video cameras in there so we can all go back and watch what you said and compare it to the written record for accuracy? Do you even care?

Or, are you so convinced by your own line of bullshit and six years of beating the national media into acting like a flock of sheep that you figure we'll just buy whatever load of toxic, partisan nonsense flows out of your mouth.

So what is Tony? Stupid? Retarded? Full of Shit? Either way we all lose.