Friday, April 22, 2005

Driving Miss Fifi

Question of the day...

There is an odd revolution happening in our fair city. Apparently air bags are in short supply. How can I tell? Well, I've notice that more and more people are carrying their little dogs (I'll get you Dorothy...) on their laps... while driving!!!

So, back to the question of the day... Why? Why must you keep your little dog between your chest and the steering wheel. Why must the little dog be able to hang its head out your open window? Why do you let your dog bark at neighbouring cars? Is the SPCA or the Humane Society ok with this practice.

In an accident I foresee one of three things happening.

1) If you don't have an airbag, the little dog -let's call it Fifi - will come in quite handy. Although Fifi will probably won't come through the experience shall we say... intact.
2) If you have an airbag, Fifi will break all of your - and her - ribs when the airbag deploys and slams the dog into your chest. Again, better get a shoebox for fifi.
3) If the window is open, Fifi gets a glider ride, without the glider.

I've been seeing this all my life. Little dogs riding on old ladies' laps for a drive around the town. But lately, this is becoming a pandemic of what I've come to term Autofifilapsis. I saw four people suffering from this condition today. And that was just on the drive home from lunch.

There doesn't seem to be any inoculation you can get. It appears to afflict people across race, age and economic boundaries. It does appear to be a mostly female based disease. I'll give the big guy driving the huge truck the benefit of the doubt and assume that his wife made him do it.

Who's to blame for the recent increase in Autofifilapsis? While there may be many causes of this condition I believe that it all can be blamed on Paris Hilton. That damn little dog of hers gets carried around in a custom made Louis Vuitton Fifi Dog bag.

People of the world, your lap is neither as rich or as comfy as Paris' dog's suitcase. Give it up. And give Fifi some dignity.