Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Verbs is Verbs, Nouns is Nouns

So what the hell does it mean to "fellowship"? Not "I enjoy the company and fellowship of my friends". That makes sense. Fellowship is an intangible thing. A noun if you will.

The other day I answer the front door to some Christian person wanting me to join them and believe something about something - honestly I tuned out after a bit. One of the "perks" of their little church dealy was that they all "fellowship" together.

"Fellowship": the verb.

Hey I know... let's all go to a building and "Apple" together, or we could get some of our friends and "Dumptruck" one another. Why not? It's as arbitrary as "Fellowshipping" each other. Although admittedly, you could use "fellowshipping" as some kind of deviant sexual innuendo.

Why did the Christian youth (and honestly it's the born-again crowd; you'll never hear that from a Catholic Bishop) co-opt this innocent little noun and turn it into one of the most ridiculous sounding verbs?

I can assure all my friends with whom I hang out, climb, drink, golf, mountain bike, ski, drink some more, that we will never "fellowship" each other. I promise. You'd better too.

OK, on to the real point of today's post.

I was nearly run over by a Hummer H2 last night. The fact that I was in my tiny Ford Escort made very little difference, as I'd be as flat as if I'd been walking.

These damn things are everywhere in my city. We've only got 76,000 people living here and yet, last night alone I counted four H2's - two black, one red and the yellow one that almost hit me. Nevermind the $72,000 it'll cost to buy one, how about the incredible amount of fuel you'll go through? How about the threat to public safety you pose while driving one?

A few months ago I read the National Geographic article regarding the end of oil. In the article there was a quote from a woman in the States. She said "I know my Hummer uses a lot of gas but I like the idea that if I hit another car, I win." This vehicle weighs 6400 lbs minimum (8400 max), has 10 inches of ground clearance and an approach angle of 40 degrees. If you're driving a small car and get hit by an H2, it's going to run over you - literally. You'll have a 20 inch wheel in your passenger seat. The mileage is so bad GM doesn't give it on the web site. They give you the tank size (32 gallons) and the range (310 miles at a cruising speed of 40 - 60 mph). So, if all you do is cruise at below highway speed and never accelerate through traffic or away from a stoplight, the best mileage you'll get is... drumroll please... 9.65 miles per gallon.

I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to how beneficial these things are to the health of our planet. I'll also let you draw your own conclusions as to how the people who own these vehicles feel about the environment and the safety of their fellow travelers.


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