Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Horror of "The Digit"

I like Stephen Colbert. I like the Colbert Report. However, I'm going to break Stephen Colbert's fingers. Not all of them - he doesn't owe me money or anything. At least, I don't think he does; let me check...

Nope, no IOUs from Colbert, Stephen.

Anyways, I don't want to break all his fingers, just his right index. Maybe I simply shouldn't watch so much late-night television or maybe I need therapy, but Stephen Colbert's right index finger is starting to really bug me. Specifically - if there's a specific then you're not crazy, right - the action of pinching the top and bottom of his glasses frames with his left hand and sort of pointy waving off camera with his right index finger is really starting to get on my nerves.

If it's a natural action that he's not aware of; then fine, I understand. Stephen, watch the broadcast of the show 'cause it does look silly. However, if this is an affectation that he's created for The Report, then for God's sake man, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!

Now, let's be clear here. I'm not one of these "David Letterman talks to me through my TV set" people. But Colbert's uncontrolled, uncontrollable index finger must be stopped.

Imagine the havoc it could wreak. Suppose, the Colbert Report is the jumping ground for a brilliant Stephen Colbert political career. All of a sudden, he's a Democratic Senator inadvertently voting for tax cuts for the rich and voting to invade Syria; all because he can't control that infernal popup ad-esque right index finger. Imagine that jumpy finger over "the button" (insert scary music here).

Or, I could turn off the TV and go to bed. Probably not a bad idea anyways.


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